Why I won’t say Santa got my kids their Christmas presents

This is probably quite a controversial post to write. Christmas in Britain has very strong traditions, especially those surrounding the story of Santa (or Father Christmas). I became a parent in 2020, and one of the many things I thought about was how I can raise a caring, considerate child: one who isn’t spoilt, who doesn’t feel entitled, who recognises how hard life is. It’s an ongoing process, but one way I thought I could do this, was to shift the way in which our family approaches Christmas.

As a child, my parents told me that Santa Claus got my Christmas presents. At the crack of dawn, I would wake up to a huge sack of wrapped gifts and tear through them. Then I would go downstairs to find more gifts in a pile especially for me. Some of the gifts downstairs would say ‘love Mummy and Daddy’ but most were labelled with ‘from Santa’ oddly enough, in the same handwriting as my own mother…

I was twelve when I realised that Santa wasn’t real.

Growing up, I never questioned why a mysterious supernatural being broke into my house once a year, or why he was able to keep track of whether I was ‘naughty’ or ‘nice’ – whatever that means. I never questioned how he was able to get me the latest toy or gadget that I’d seen in the Argos catalogue, even though he had a magical workshop with exploited elves in the North Pole.

What I did question though, was why he brought my friend a PS2, but not me.

And I bet there were kids out there who questioned why he brought me a sack full of gifts and a bike, but them only one present.

Your children are unlikely to grow up with all of their friends’ families in the same financial position as you. Some will be wealthier, and some won’t. Christmas in Britain is impacted by the disparity of wealth within our society. If we teach our children that Father Christmas brings them gifts based on their behaviour, we are feeding an attitude of unnecessary pride or a cycle of disappointment.

Think of the child on Free School Meals that we rallied to support during the pandemic. Their family’s poverty is suddenly forgotten when it comes to showering your own child with gifts. Now I’m not suggesting we buy gifts for others, but I’m suggesting we educate children about where the gifts come from, rather than sell them a story about a magic man and his reindeer.

Another benefit of reconsidering the way in which we give gifts is that our children will recognise the effort and lengths we go to to provide them with the latest ‘must have’. I’m so thankful now for the sacrifices my parents made for us when we were kids, but when I was a child, or a teen, I didn’t think twice about it. We all cringe at those videos of children, especially teens, throwing tantrums about being given the ‘wrong’ colour, or not receiving the gift they asked for. If we teach children the value of money, the value of the gifts we give, our children might not be so entitled. I’d be devastated if my daughter threw a gift I had sacrificed to provide back in my face when she is older.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I will be introducing my children to Father Christmas. I will support the magic of the season by continuing parts of the Santa story, but I won’t be doing it the traditional way. In my home, Santa will fill the children’s stockings with small toys and sweets, but the presents under the tree will be from Mummy and Daddy.

Related: Christmas morning traditions to start with your family

I also don’t want there to be too many presents. Why load children up with gifts they won’t use or don’t want? For me, the family time is more important than the objects in a box. I want the children to remember the stories, the songs, the dinners, and I want them to be able to remember what they got for Christmas. A stocking of little bits, and four or five larger gifts should make for a fair experience.

So, this might not be to everyone’s taste. This post is probably going to be quite unpopular. I don’t mind – for me, Christmas in Britain isn’t about the presents, it’s about the memories you make as a family.

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